ok Lord, I've hit my limit!

So its been kind of a rough month or so, things are looking up on the teenage issues we are dealing with.. I'm seeing some light at the end of the tunnel on that front.. BUT we had a big cardiology appt last Friday that I nearly lost my lunch over..
let me go back... so Georgia requires kids to get a physical from a GA doc. before they enter school (or at least with in the first 30 days of enrolling).  We did this and thought it would be a good time to piggy back sports physicals for the boys since both would need them for Football in the Fall.  the Doc cleared the boys for school but said she would really feel more comfortable if the boys got a clean bill of Heart Health from a cardiologist since they had never been evaluated after Lane's HLHS (Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome) diagnosis etc.  I kind of thought it was a bit excessive BUT really felt fine about it because we are in the south and I have heard of instant cardiac death on the football field etc.. I honestly felt everything would turn out fine but agreed to the appt..
As the appt got closer I have to admit my anxiety level rose, on the day of the appt I had nervous stomach and was very antsy.. both boys got EKG's and Echo Cardiograms.. Hunter's blood pressure was slightly elevated but when they had him lay down it was fine (he tends to run high at dr's office and has had "white coat hypertension" in the past) anyway I was in the room for both Echo's and I do kind of remember thinking the heart beats sounded so different but pushed it to the back of my mind..
the Cardiologist come in (it was just 2 tech's that did the prelim tests etc) and said Hunter has a perfect heart but "we've got some issues with Brad's heart"... at that moment the blood started to drain out of my face and I kind of heard a ringing sound in my ears.. I was shocked and scared and wasn't prepared at all for what the dr said next..

He explained Brad has a Bicuspid Aortic Valve (see picture above).. and it does leak a bit (evidently that is pretty much the norm for a Bicuspid Aortic Valve) he explained that he will have no limitations ie: he can play all sports etc... he'll have to take a baby aspirin every morning for the rest of his life and take anti-biotics before seeing the dentist (even for cleanings) if he had seen Brad since a little guy he would be seen by him every 2yrs but since he's just seeing him now he will have a baseline exercise (treadmill) stress test done in a couple of weeks and see him in a year if nothing has changed then he can go to every 2 yrs etc.  so all in all if anything HAD to be wrong this is probably what we would want but still I think I aged 20 yrs just in that short office visit... he also said this IS RELATED to Lane's condition.. it is a "Left Heart Issue" and although no genetic link has been officially found the doc said you can not ignore these happened in 2 siblings (the other weird, we always felt Lane really favored Brad in the way he was built/looked as a baby etc).. so now we are going to get KayLea a Echo, she got checked out at around age 3 but only with an EKG and a Chest Xray and at age 3 it might not have had any issue on an EKG... (Brad's was found on the Echo)...
so thats what we've been up to.. I think i've had enough!!! what do you think??
ta ta

Happy Mothers Day

so after reading my last post and being all gushy mushy about my kiddo's and my Mom I failed to mention a few things
first: I have been blessed to have had an amazing Mother in-Law... I won't sugar coat it, our relationship wasn't always butterflies and roses (we both LOVE super hard and sometimes could but heads a bit) but I can not deny the fact that she made my amazing, wonderful, supportive husband.. she was so much fun.. there are ways she mothered her children that I WISH I could be like.. the fun part.. I need more Sheri in my mothering for sure.  I have another Mother in Law today, I don't know her well (that will change soon I'm sure) but I am thankful for her, Ben's Dad cared for his Mom for several years before she passed away and so to see him so happy again was good.. She is really coming through in a major way as of late with some of Ben's Dad's health issue (remember, not my story to tell) and we can't be more thankful for her love of him and her devotion.. what a 1st year of marriage for them!!!

which leads into my next issue I failed to mention before.. my HUSBAND.. I am blessed to have an amazingly supportive husband who puts up with my hormonal teary rants.. who knows when I need to get out of the house and then insists upon it.. He supports our family and works so hard.. I am thankful for him and how he leads our family...

I came upon this video in another blog and its what sparked my thoughts today
http://youtu.be/3LQ80TFOGvw

so thankful I have a Husband who is teaching my kids how to love their wives, future mother of their children!!!

what do you get?...

What do you get when your a mom w/ PMS, your angel Son's birthday and a major teenage pitfall happen all on the same day/ week???

TEARS!!! lots and lots and lots of tears...

oh also did I mention there are some health issues going on with BOTH of our fathers (don't ask, not my story to tell, they both will be fine but yea I think that has added to the stress of my week)

So thinking about what I would post for Lane's birthday, I didn't have allot of plans.. and that was probably a good thing because mentally I was toast.. so with the journal post's leading up to Lane's birthday that will just have to be it... I do have some post-funeral journal entries to post and I'll get around to it I just need to settle my head but to be honest I'm not in a huge hurry ...

I am not ready (probably never will be) to post about the teenage angst going on right now.. just know everyone is healthy, on the road to being happy and we will SURVIVE!!!  this much I know for sure..

Even though I'm feeling a bit mentally beat up right now it doesn't dismiss even a little  how thankful for my family, I wouldn't trade ANYTHING/ANYONE for the kiddo's I have... they drive me nuts, make me laugh harder than I've ever laughed, and cried more tears than I knew I could produce and LOVE more than I ever thought possible BUT we are muddling through together for better or worse for ever and eternity!! Being a mother has been the hardest job I have ever had (and that's saying something!) but one that gives me the most rewards money can not buy.  In times where its tougher than usual I try hard to imagine them older with their own families.. I want desperately for them to be able to say "I see now why you did that", or "thanks I hated you then, but boy did you save me from myself" or just "I always knew you loved me".. is it bad that I am wishing for some adoration??? mostly I just want them to be happy healthy adults who have very few mommy/daddy issues (and the ones they have {cuz lets face it can any of us escape?}don't hold them back ha!)
so Happy Mothers day everyone.. I know I've already told my Mom how smart she is.. she gets smarter and smarter every year I'm alive I am so lucky to have her in my life...
ta ta

thur-mon May 26-29, 2000

So I took the weekend off (plus Friday I guess too)... its been not so surprising that getting all this stuff down onto something tangible that someone other than me reads is a bit of an emotional roller coaster.. add onto it the normal/daily teenage issues we have going on here at home and you get one cranky mom so my goal originally (although I didn't share it) was to have it all done by tomorrow Lane's Birthday... not so sure that is going to happen but we'll see...

thurs- Wed, May 18-25 2000

so no real intro today just plugging away... we are entering the "hard days" so brace yourselves...

Mon-Wed May 15-17, 2000

So my mood was much better yesterday so maybe the first day was due to re-reading the hole journal etc. who knows!!! so here is another day.. my plan is to write it in its complete form BUT I have to give a disclaimer here, we are getting into some very personal stuff from here on out.. there are things in my Journal that are just too special and in some cases SACRED to share in this public forum and for that I'm not apologizing, not too sure how I'll handle those moments but just know I'm trying hard to share my experiences, thoughts, feelings of that time but know for those who love me that I'm NOT exploiting this one bit... OK on to