my Thank-ti-mony

so what is a Thank-Ti-Mony you ask??? its a bit like a testimony only all about what i'm thankful for...

I needed to let Brad's recent diagnosis sit and simmer for a bit before I could really speak intelligently about it... I still can't say I am 100% comfortable OR even that i'm remotely "happy" about allot of it BUT what can't be denied is how thankful I am for oh so many things...

these are on no particular order

* I am thankful for a PA (physician assistant) who just at a glance decided something didn't "look right" at Brad's EKG during his treadmill stress test.  He told me he doesn't know why but even though the computer didn't detect any issue it just looked "off" to him and so he got out his trusty measuring device (he also showed it to me its a bit more involved than a ruler but basically that's what it was) and sure enough Brad's Q-T interval was slightly long.. he said he made himself measure several times but yep there it was.

* I am thankful for a pediatrician who just decided to be EXTRA cautious and send the boys for cardiac work ups "just to be safe" Football can be linked to this one too because were it not for us moving to the south where it is much hotter than NH and the Dr wanted to be extra careful clearing my boys for the riggers of Football camp etc.

* I am thankful for an AWESOME Aunt!, I re-live the moments when I first got the phone call about the PA's findings, I was in the waiting room of Ben's Oral Surgeon's office un-prepared to take notes and retain anything, I am thankful for my wonderful Aunt who is a MD who is our "go to" for any medical questions.. she had just come off an "all nighter" delivering a baby AND I in my mental fog didn't take into account her being on the WEST coast and ME in  EASTern time zone (thankfully she hadn't gone to sleep yet after the delivery because I think I called her at about 6am her time) she not only was able to walk me through what she knew about Long QT syndrome (she's not a cardiologist) she actually had some experience with a patient of her's that had it!!! she always calms me down I am so thankful for her!!!

*FAMILY needs to get another one my Parents and siblings have really come through it a big way emotionally for me.. My mom cried with me on the phone when we got the final diagnosis and I just can't tell you how much they all mean to me..

*FRIENDS!! I am so blessed! I am still finding my way here in GA but I have felt the out pouring of love, support and friendship from so many here PLUS the support of all of my friends from near and far, phone calls, Facebook messages and e-mails have filled my in-box's and have meant oh so much to me.. I am so blessed and thankful to have so many wonderful people in my life who love me and my family.

* BRAD... this is a last but not least... I  am so thankful for this boy!!! the one who made me a Mom... He had his very typical reaction to new news.. he was silent for about a day and a half.. then he came up with his own plan.. he has dealt with this with so much grace and dignity and I couldn't be prouder!!! we know he is destine for greatness.. (no pressure right??!!!)  we want him to be young and carefree and live with no worries, to be a great person responsible priesthood holder and all around great guy, but we want him to do all those things NOW with just enough caution to ya know, not die.. .. he's well on his way!!! .   does this make him perfect? no way, do we still deal with your standard teenage issues allot of the time, YES!!!  but I am just so proud of how he's handling this whole thing!!!

the long and the short of it is we are COMPLETELY grateful to know what we are facing (although we are still learning a ton so by no means do we know it all, maybe never will!) I try hard not to think of the "what if's" cuz there are lots.. he has pushed his body to its limits before, he's a kid who when he sets his mind to something specifically w/ sports he does it.. track, soccer, football etc. he never did anything half way so I am so grateful for what ever reason this heart issue didn't rear its ugly head.. not to mention the horrible car accident he was in w/ Ben and Hunter a year ago.. ya think his heart rate went up when they were rolling??? ya.. so I try hard not to go there (but obviously I just did!).. we are so blessed.. a good friend of mind said it would just be so not fair to loose 2 kids to heart issues... I completely agree BUT I know its out of my hands.. we can only do what we can do and the rest is just not up to us!!!
my last words are I am so thankful!!! and we are So BLESSED!!!
ta ta

When worst fears materialize

So we found out Wednesday Brad is positive for Long QT Syndrome..  He has to quit all competitive sports and we are being referred to a Long QT Clinic associated with the Children's Hospital..

To say that I was upset is an understatement.. I was SO SURE it was going to come back negative.. both Ben and My EKG came back negative the cardiologist even said he was leaning towards betting that it would be negative.. which is why when the Dr told me "he's positive"  I was stunned, and in shock and so I didn't ask some important questions.  I didn't ask which type (1,2 or3) I didn't ask if he can still take his allergy medication (so he's very stuffy poor kid).. and I didn't ask if we need to come up with an emergency plan for the school (something the Nurse suggested when I told her we were awaiting this diagnosis, I didn't pay allot of attention to her unfortunately way back at the pre-school get your schedule etc. etc. remember I was SURE it was negative)..

Here's what I know for sure... We will be good, this is going to be a new normal but we've been here before.. I think that's what is so hard is I have prayed these EXACT prayers before. I've been specific, and I still don't think my prayers were NOT answered they were just answered in a way that will force growth for me, for Ben and especially for Brad and of coarse even Hunter and KayLea.. I am a bit away from being able to see the good in this BUT already Brad has made some goals, he wants to take some BYU online coarse's so he can take a couple AP classes next year (BYU online High School coarse's are NOT recognized by the NCAA and because he always assumed he'd play some kind of college sport he was very resistant).. he's even talking about maybe dueling enrolling in college/high school next year (I have some mixed feelings about that but if he makes it happen through grades work etc. i'd have a hard time turning him down!)

We are still learning lots, YES we know there have been a handful of Olympic and professional athletes with this same condition but for now we are taking the dr's advice and not having Brad play (those are VERY isolated situations and it takes a school/organization to ALLOW to take on the liability/risk and that's just not gonna happen and to be honest i'm not sure WE would allow it its just not worth the risk!)

This will certainly change the direction of Brad's life somewhat.. Sports were never his end game anyway he wants to be an engineer and so he can devote lots more of his time to the Robotics club (he was only able to devote about half his time due to sports etc) so for that I am grateful BUT we will be discussing what he can do.. for Brad's own sanity I think he needs to be able to run, bikeride etc. he loves that kind of stuff and so that will definitely  be a discussion..

for me my goal is to try not to worry my self into a heart attack.. I am trying, I can not allow Brad to live in fear and so I need to set that example.. I am hoping once we see the specialist and learn more the fear will lesson.. looking into the future in 2 years he will be away from my control.. it already invokes allot of anxiety for me, and in just 3 yrs a mission (yes we've already speculated he probably will not be allowed to go foreign but actually Brad has always said he didn't want to cross any ocean so that's probably ok too..)

so i'm sure this is not the last post about this (damnit!) I am eternally grateful for the love, prayers, time to put our names on temple rolls and energy devoted to our little family and what we are going through.. I knew it already but I am so lucky!!! and THANKFUL... i'm working on a "what I am thankful for" post already in my head so stay tuned its a long list!
here's a brochure we found online that answers allot of questions...
http://www.heartrhythmcharity.org.uk/Documents/Booklets/Long%20QT%20Syndrome%20Booklet%20090113_wjh.pdf

ta ta for now...

I will blog more later but I needed to post these, a friend was wanting to see them and I have been slacking promise to do a real post soon...

the Fox's
LOVE this picture!!!

My Mom and Dad.. LOVE!!!

the original Lane's 

Grand Kids ALL of them!!!

the whole group.. it was such a fun trip!!!

Photo Credit goes to my brother Jody Lane!! if you need a great photographer he lives just outside of Salt Lake UT.. 

I haven't been under a rock.. at least not any more...

So, where have I been? after all the whoop-la going on with Brad's Dr's appt's and possible diagnosis I went to bed.. like not kidding litterly  decided I didn't feel good just about every day, needed a nap and ate allot of peanut butter snickers... 20 pounds later (no joke!) when I was being weighed for my cardiology appt I nearly lost my lunch at the number on the scale.. decided then and there I could not go on like this.. the good news Ben and I don't have Long QT syndrome (there are some technical issues here.. we MAY still be carriers for the gene etc. BUT neither of us have the prolonged QT in our EKG's)... that meant Brad could be cleared for Football while we WAIT (yes we still don't have any thing definite yet on his genetic testing).. I don't know why that for some reason was reassuring enough to get me to get out of my funk thankfully.. I haven't weighed myself since that visit (denial isn't just a river in Egypt) BUT have been making some efforts to be more active AND best of all I GOT A JOB!!! getting a job in this BIG school district was a bit more involved then meeting with the local very small administrators at my local elementary school... this is a VERY large school district with several high schools, middle schools and I couldn't even guess how many elementary schools (50+) with online applications and looking up new openings it became a part time job just managing all the job postings etc. BUT I got my break when I got an interview with the director of Autism programs for the district.. I actually didn't get the job I interviewed for with her BUT she really liked me, she kind of HAD (her word) to go with an applicant who was already part of the district but said she really wanted me in the district and gave me some great advice about where to apply and who to send e-mails to etc.. the end result was 2 job offers it was  HUGE ego boost to be in a position to choose, I got an offer for an Elementary School Para Professional (aid) to kids who were high functioning integrated in General Ed. classes and the 2nd was a  Middle School para professional position to a small self contained class with very low functioning (mostly non-verbal) kids with behavioral issues.. my choice was to go with a Middle School, the kids were going to be more of a challenge but that appealed to me for some reason, I have really grown to LOVE this community of kiddo's (I may be eating those words but I really don't think so)... plus middle school made it so I didn't have to put KayLea in before school day care.. i'm not opposed to that BUT i'm getting paid a bit less than what I was making before plus I don't have a contract (don't get me started.. school funding out here is a MESS [and we live in one of the top 5 school districts in the state!].. we thought it was bad with tiny local voted on school funding.. we had it GOOD) so every bit in my pocket will be good, and Ben will be home before KayLea gets home from school so I think it will all work out...

So we are still waiting on the Genetic Testing for Brad and we take KayLea in Friday to get her work up done, can't say i'm completely calm about that one, she and Brad (and Lane for that matter) are built pretty much identical so we'll see if that holds any water to any diagnosis...

so we are plugging along.. school starts next week, the boys are thick into Football and then life will REALLY get crazy...
We got to go to Yellowstone Nat. Park it was fun and we got to see all of my side of the family (my mom's side anyway) and all of my siblings (photo's to come soon) we also got to get a family picture done which I can't wait to see...its been an interesting summer for sure... but we are surviving and even thriving...
that's all for now...
ta ta

this is where you hear the theme to twilight zone in your head...

So I didn't get allot of sleep last night, too many things swirling in my head... this morning I got up early (7ish) and although should have gone to run/walk I didn't I decided I'd look through Ben's old photo albums and came across this...

its not that I didn't know those clippings were in there, I have seen them and even read them a dozen or more times.. they are the obituary and articles about William "Brad" Rusche

Brad and Ben at his Mission Open House 1993

Ben and Brad were on the Varsity Soccer Team together, Ben was Sweeper (right in front of the Goalie on the Defensive line) and Brad was just in front of him Stopper, I'm sure I've screwed up that mental image just know they had each other's back on and OFF the field... and that is why we named OUR Brad after him...

While Ben was on his mission in Wisconsin he got word that Brad had passed away suddenly from what they think was a heart attack.
he had to quit the Cal Poly Pomona soccer team due to a heart arrhythmia and some heart symptoms he was having.  (yes my cousins who went to Brea O Linda he is the one the monument is for on the stadium field)..
there is no way of knowing if what he had and died from is even remotely close to what OUR Brad is going through being diagnosed with but the similarities are a little spooky.. the thing we would be most worried of in our Brad's case is "Sudden Cardiac Death"...

another kind of spooky thing is we've always commented a bit on how much our Brad kind of looked like Brad Rusche, tall skinny with blonde hair, also Brad R was so fast I mean when he got going you didn't want to be in his way.. very much like our Brad.. like I said.. if I didn't know this to be completely true I would think I was reading a novel!!...

So there are my thoughts this morning as scattered as they may be... I have thought allot about finding Brad Rusche's parents, Ben's family didn't know them VERY well but of coarse they/we saw them and visited at every soccer game I had even been to their home a few times such nice people.. I've done a couple of Internet searches but have come up dry so far and even if I did find them what would I even say to them.. who knows.. we'll see where that goes...

am I the only one who is hearing the twilight zone music about now.???

knock, knock, knock.. is this thing on???!!! i'm guessing my previous message of "I"VE HAD ENOUGH" didn't go through!!!

so this is word for word (actually cut and pasted) from FB so if your seeing it in both places no need to continue you've ready read it...
beware VERY LONG!!!

http://www.sads.org/About-SADS/Long-QT-Syndrome

ok so EKG today confirmed the prolonged QT (link above has definition its very complicated and I still don't really understand it).. will have genetic testing orders done Monday (scheduling this may get tricky w/ insurance it is VERY expensive but cardiologist says insurance will pay it just may take jumping through some hoops which his office has done many times and know how to do it) to see if he has long QT Syndrome, there are 3 degrees (or levels) of long QT syndrome dr is fairly certain IF he's positive for syndrome he would have the most mild degree because he has NEVER had any symptoms, ie: chest pain, dizziness, seizures, shortness of breath etc. if he has the most mild he'll be on a beta blocker and watched fairly close but can still do sports IF he has the other 2 no sports and we talk about surgically implanting a defibrillator.. he also has to wear a cardiac monitor for 24 hours but since the boys have youth conference tonight dr said we can do it sunday-monday morning.

Ben and I have an appt w/ a Cardiologist on July 2nd to get evaluations, make Echo appts and get set up for genetic testing for US... 

they are looking at Hunter's EKG again to make sure they didn't miss this in his (like they did in Brad's first) and KayLea has an appt first week of August to check her out...

first I am so thankful for Medical doctors... I kept thinking today.. what if we had never known any of this and something awful had happened to him... this is un-diagnosed very regularly it is a hard thing to find and you don't find it unless your looking (ie: Brad is almost 16.. this week is his b'day.. and we have NEVER suspected a thing!) it is diagnosed ALLOT in autopsy's of sudden cardiac death's of young people.. (thanks google for informing me of this fact!) 

so for now we wait... he can still do football practice.. we had to be very careful about him NOT getting dehydrated and dr has said he needs to take it easy, no full force weight lifting no full force sprints and no long distance running (thankfully for Brad we didn't know any of this before his 50 mile hike!) I'm going to talk to his coach on Monday and he's been put on a very low dose beta blocker for the time being..

Ben is feeling some pain from his Oral Surgery today (yes I got all the info about Brad while in the waiting room of the Oral Surgeon's office today) it was an interesting ride home telling him about Brad while he was still loopy from the anesthesia, had to repeat myself several times and i'm still not sure he remembers it all although just a few minutes ago he said he think he's gotten the high notes of it all.. I had to leave him for about 2 hours to get Brad's EKG done which I wasn't planning so I raced home to him in allot of pain and out of gauze to pack his mouth so had to stop to get him more gauze.. but he's got pain meds on board (we had some confusion re taking vicidan every 4 or 8 hours.. its 4 thankgoodness!)

boys are at youth conference for the night and all day tomorrow the girl and I are going to go see Brave (as long as Ben is ok to leave on his own at home) and right now I really want to go to bed.. 

if feels a little like i've lived a month in just about 10hours.. again I have an amazing family who can give me the lift and support I need over the phone so I don't want to go run my car off the road!!! I am so lucky 
of coarse our saga is to be continued...

ok Lord, I've hit my limit!

So its been kind of a rough month or so, things are looking up on the teenage issues we are dealing with.. I'm seeing some light at the end of the tunnel on that front.. BUT we had a big cardiology appt last Friday that I nearly lost my lunch over..
let me go back... so Georgia requires kids to get a physical from a GA doc. before they enter school (or at least with in the first 30 days of enrolling).  We did this and thought it would be a good time to piggy back sports physicals for the boys since both would need them for Football in the Fall.  the Doc cleared the boys for school but said she would really feel more comfortable if the boys got a clean bill of Heart Health from a cardiologist since they had never been evaluated after Lane's HLHS (Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome) diagnosis etc.  I kind of thought it was a bit excessive BUT really felt fine about it because we are in the south and I have heard of instant cardiac death on the football field etc.. I honestly felt everything would turn out fine but agreed to the appt..
As the appt got closer I have to admit my anxiety level rose, on the day of the appt I had nervous stomach and was very antsy.. both boys got EKG's and Echo Cardiograms.. Hunter's blood pressure was slightly elevated but when they had him lay down it was fine (he tends to run high at dr's office and has had "white coat hypertension" in the past) anyway I was in the room for both Echo's and I do kind of remember thinking the heart beats sounded so different but pushed it to the back of my mind..
the Cardiologist come in (it was just 2 tech's that did the prelim tests etc) and said Hunter has a perfect heart but "we've got some issues with Brad's heart"... at that moment the blood started to drain out of my face and I kind of heard a ringing sound in my ears.. I was shocked and scared and wasn't prepared at all for what the dr said next..

He explained Brad has a Bicuspid Aortic Valve (see picture above).. and it does leak a bit (evidently that is pretty much the norm for a Bicuspid Aortic Valve) he explained that he will have no limitations ie: he can play all sports etc... he'll have to take a baby aspirin every morning for the rest of his life and take anti-biotics before seeing the dentist (even for cleanings) if he had seen Brad since a little guy he would be seen by him every 2yrs but since he's just seeing him now he will have a baseline exercise (treadmill) stress test done in a couple of weeks and see him in a year if nothing has changed then he can go to every 2 yrs etc.  so all in all if anything HAD to be wrong this is probably what we would want but still I think I aged 20 yrs just in that short office visit... he also said this IS RELATED to Lane's condition.. it is a "Left Heart Issue" and although no genetic link has been officially found the doc said you can not ignore these happened in 2 siblings (the other weird, we always felt Lane really favored Brad in the way he was built/looked as a baby etc).. so now we are going to get KayLea a Echo, she got checked out at around age 3 but only with an EKG and a Chest Xray and at age 3 it might not have had any issue on an EKG... (Brad's was found on the Echo)...
so thats what we've been up to.. I think i've had enough!!! what do you think??
ta ta

Happy Mothers Day

so after reading my last post and being all gushy mushy about my kiddo's and my Mom I failed to mention a few things
first: I have been blessed to have had an amazing Mother in-Law... I won't sugar coat it, our relationship wasn't always butterflies and roses (we both LOVE super hard and sometimes could but heads a bit) but I can not deny the fact that she made my amazing, wonderful, supportive husband.. she was so much fun.. there are ways she mothered her children that I WISH I could be like.. the fun part.. I need more Sheri in my mothering for sure.  I have another Mother in Law today, I don't know her well (that will change soon I'm sure) but I am thankful for her, Ben's Dad cared for his Mom for several years before she passed away and so to see him so happy again was good.. She is really coming through in a major way as of late with some of Ben's Dad's health issue (remember, not my story to tell) and we can't be more thankful for her love of him and her devotion.. what a 1st year of marriage for them!!!

which leads into my next issue I failed to mention before.. my HUSBAND.. I am blessed to have an amazingly supportive husband who puts up with my hormonal teary rants.. who knows when I need to get out of the house and then insists upon it.. He supports our family and works so hard.. I am thankful for him and how he leads our family...

I came upon this video in another blog and its what sparked my thoughts today
http://youtu.be/3LQ80TFOGvw

so thankful I have a Husband who is teaching my kids how to love their wives, future mother of their children!!!

what do you get?...

What do you get when your a mom w/ PMS, your angel Son's birthday and a major teenage pitfall happen all on the same day/ week???

TEARS!!! lots and lots and lots of tears...

oh also did I mention there are some health issues going on with BOTH of our fathers (don't ask, not my story to tell, they both will be fine but yea I think that has added to the stress of my week)

So thinking about what I would post for Lane's birthday, I didn't have allot of plans.. and that was probably a good thing because mentally I was toast.. so with the journal post's leading up to Lane's birthday that will just have to be it... I do have some post-funeral journal entries to post and I'll get around to it I just need to settle my head but to be honest I'm not in a huge hurry ...

I am not ready (probably never will be) to post about the teenage angst going on right now.. just know everyone is healthy, on the road to being happy and we will SURVIVE!!!  this much I know for sure..

Even though I'm feeling a bit mentally beat up right now it doesn't dismiss even a little  how thankful for my family, I wouldn't trade ANYTHING/ANYONE for the kiddo's I have... they drive me nuts, make me laugh harder than I've ever laughed, and cried more tears than I knew I could produce and LOVE more than I ever thought possible BUT we are muddling through together for better or worse for ever and eternity!! Being a mother has been the hardest job I have ever had (and that's saying something!) but one that gives me the most rewards money can not buy.  In times where its tougher than usual I try hard to imagine them older with their own families.. I want desperately for them to be able to say "I see now why you did that", or "thanks I hated you then, but boy did you save me from myself" or just "I always knew you loved me".. is it bad that I am wishing for some adoration??? mostly I just want them to be happy healthy adults who have very few mommy/daddy issues (and the ones they have {cuz lets face it can any of us escape?}don't hold them back ha!)
so Happy Mothers day everyone.. I know I've already told my Mom how smart she is.. she gets smarter and smarter every year I'm alive I am so lucky to have her in my life...
ta ta

thur-mon May 26-29, 2000

So I took the weekend off (plus Friday I guess too)... its been not so surprising that getting all this stuff down onto something tangible that someone other than me reads is a bit of an emotional roller coaster.. add onto it the normal/daily teenage issues we have going on here at home and you get one cranky mom so my goal originally (although I didn't share it) was to have it all done by tomorrow Lane's Birthday... not so sure that is going to happen but we'll see...

thurs- Wed, May 18-25 2000

so no real intro today just plugging away... we are entering the "hard days" so brace yourselves...

Mon-Wed May 15-17, 2000

So my mood was much better yesterday so maybe the first day was due to re-reading the hole journal etc. who knows!!! so here is another day.. my plan is to write it in its complete form BUT I have to give a disclaimer here, we are getting into some very personal stuff from here on out.. there are things in my Journal that are just too special and in some cases SACRED to share in this public forum and for that I'm not apologizing, not too sure how I'll handle those moments but just know I'm trying hard to share my experiences, thoughts, feelings of that time but know for those who love me that I'm NOT exploiting this one bit... OK on to

Sat, May 13 2000

So this was allot harder than I thought it would be.. I mean I had anticipated it being difficult re-living the events in 2000 BUT my mood the rest of the day after posting my last journal entry was a bust I was cranky and emotional etc. SOOO I am going to post this date in its entirety but be prepared for summarys' from here on out...

12 years is a long time....

I have been thinking allot about this years post, if I will or should post.. do I have anthing new to say?  I have felt a pull to share some things from my journal I kept through out our experience... I don't know why, but I have just read about half of it and my eyes are swollen and wet but I'm glad I've read them... I can't really explain why I'm glad just that there are actually some things that I've forgotten (never thought that would happen) but reading some things sparked memories and feelings that I guess I needed to feel... so if you continue to read (which by the way you do not need to one bit)... I'm starting this early because I'm pretty certain I won't finish this post today... not sure if I'll break up the post as of yet but come along with me on the journey of re-discovery of MY experience living between my home and the Pediatric intensive care unit for 20 days... almost 12 years ago!

first my journal, I am admitting right here and now that I suck at keeping any kind of diary or Journal, I have started one at least a dozen times through out my life... and they all have anywhere from 20-50 pages written in them then the rest blank...  this one is no different and I only admit this because I didn't have a current journal etc. when Lane was born so on the way to the Children's hospital we stopped at a pharmacy or something (don't really remember the circumstances) and my MIL Sheri, said she needed a notebook, she didn't bring hers from home but she wanted to write what was going on and start a Journal... I thought that was a good idea for me too we kind of joked and said we'd make Lane read it as a teenager to hopefully trim down his teenage hatred of his parents etc.   so I found one so did Sheri (another thing I should have said I wanted from her things that I didn't even think about is her journal from that time... something to remember if it is still even possible to get.. probably not though) she was far better at writing in hers she would do pages and pages where I probably did 1 or 2 at a time...

the 2nd picture is of the front pocket as it looks TODAY... I kept tons of scraps of paper with phone numbers, there is a scrap with funeral homes, who we wanted to speak at Lane's Funeral etc. the PICU family instructions.. a menu to the hospital cafe (which we only ate at a hand full of times) my nursing/pumping schedule is written on the flap and a picture a great woman sent me of a group of kids with Lane's same condition... the sticker on the front "HERO" was a sticker I was given after Lane's surgery as they wheeled him out...

OK now i've decided I will separate these posts I'll do the first day (which actually was written on his Surgery day and re-caps the week prior so it's allot) here then after I'll do a new post for each day (or couple of days)... if this is too much please don't read it..I won't be offended AT ALL!

some things speak to my soul

So I have been in kind of a funk lately... we LOVE LOVE LOVE where we are, we are getting to know people and our way around and I do feel some roots taking hold BUT, it doesn't quite feel like home YET... I know it will come, it always does but if you know me you know I'M IMPATIENT!!!

I would love it if I just made ONE fantastic friend and we could gab for hours on the phone then go to lunch or the Temple or what ever.. yes I am homesick for my girl friends.. thankful to modern marvels I don't have to even pay for long distance so I do talk to my good friends very regularly BUT I have to admit I do feel a void and really realize now how much I rely on my friends.. I never really bought into the whole "it takes a village" theory of parenting BUT I'm guessing now I'm admitting that it really DOES EXHIST and I BELIEVE in it now!!! (although because I was taking advantage of the theory all along its not really new to me right??) all it took was a short phone call and my kids had rides to what ever was going on and splitting the trip happened... granted here we aren't driving nearly the distances (I don't even have to hang out at the church during mutual I'm so close I drop off and pick up YEA!.).. so its the relationships I miss...

Also if I'm being completely honest I'm approaching May which brings Lane's birthday and anniversary of his Death and people here don't know me, or all of my story yet (although I did share some things in a talk I gave in church last month).....

I have been addicted as of late to Blogs related to special needs kids and some blogs from Mothers who have experienced a child loss one in particular spoke to me this morning

http://www.hopesmilingbrightly.com/2012/04/what-i-said-to-audience-of-700-grieving.html 

I am totally getting this book on the Kindle TODAY which will only up the amount of books I have waiting for me to like 20 (most of them were free, I'm a little addicted!) but it will be moved to the top of the list pronto...

I will be OK,  I do have faith, and I am doing all I know to do to "put myself out there" and make friends I know I can't just sit around and wait for people to come to me, I have had some fantastic interactions with some great women and with time I do know I'll have great friends and support system.. again I'm IMPATIENT.. but I'm working on it...

in the meantime enjoy my beauty, we got to go to the Atlanta Temple on Saturday with her Activity Day group, they walked the beautiful grounds and got a talk from a member of the Temple Presidency, to see all of these girls so excited for the opportunity to have Eternal Families.. I was brought to tears more than once to see the wonder and Excitement in my daughters eyes.. we got to see a BEAUTIFUL bride exit the temple with her sweet new husband.. KayLea has had lots of questions lately about how Temple weddings work, she's hooked on shows like "say YES to the dress" and some other shows that show weddings/brides etc.. so it was good for her to see yes, it may be different than what you see on TV but THIS is where you want to get married!!! because its for ETERNITY!!!...
anyway here are some pictures that I also had fun learning some new photo editing with a fantastic new editing site thats FREE (for now) .. I'm sure there evil plan is to get me hooked then start charging but if I can learn it (and its super easy) then it might be worth it.. I've been avoiding buying photoshop at all cost... so this might be my ticket out!!

here she is!

 Ta Ta

missing in Action

 So we are pretty much settled in, Furniture is up and running, no boxes in sight.. most of the pictures are up on the wall (few exceptions)... below are some pic's that if your my Facebook friend you have already seen, sorry for the repeat but its the only thing I've taken pictures of since moving...

our dining/computer/office room

breakfast nook in the kitchen

different angle shot in dining/computer office

family/tv room

side entry in family/tv room

 So feeling guilty for neglecting my blog but after the house is done kids are getting into more of a groove I am feeling a bit blue... I completely know that this is where we are suppose to be, BUT I have come to realize I had lots of things filling up my time in NH (admit maybe even too much) I mean I had church callings (primary pres and camp) I worked pretty much full time (the same hours kids were in school) so now i'm here and finding it hard to fill my time productively.. as my mom says I need to find some projects which there is plenty I am just not motivated and need to stock up on some purchases before anything big can start (I need to make a slip cover for my couch, but alas we are down my income which usually paid for such xtras)...

I'm trying hard to put myself out there to make friends but I think maybe i'm just not good at it.. when I lived in NH it came down to me praying for a friend and Heavenly Father delivered... (and YES I've included that in my prayers recently but I don't think i'm as desperate yet as I was then.. I think I need to work for it a bit shucks!.) things will be OK and work out I just need to pick my self up by my bootstraps and get moving/working/serving... I did apply for a job at the school district but there wasn't an immediate opening it was just to have a resume/online app completed for when there is an opening and I am actually really OK with that, we said we need for me to be home while the kids get settled etc. etc. but it was my knee-jerk reaction to feeling a bit depressed so we shall see where that goes... OK enough complaining/ranting.. my life is pretty great really!!!

Ok brighter things.. my kiddo's

KayLea, she has had kind of an adjustment period... NH schools start 4 weeks AFTER Georgia schools do so that PLUS a different teaching philosophy in Math, science and social studies (like they actually HAVE science curriculum) has made her adjustment a bit hard PLUS add onto the fact that their state standardized tests are in a few weeks and KayLea hasn't been in their class for half the year that means lots of practice for the standardized test and a bit of stress on KayLea's part over the whole thing.. we've reassured her (after speaking w/ her teacher) that as long as she passes the reading (she'll do fine on reading) she just needs to do her best on the other tests (math, science, economics/government, social studies).. yes 3rd grade 5 TESTS!!! don't know how I feel about that...  anyway she is making lots of good friends and has a band of girls she plays with in the neighborhood, she's outside 80% of the time she's at home so in my book its a great thing!!!

Hunter, has joined Band again and went to festival, his Band teacher likes him and he's having fun... He has started working out with the HS football coach once a week and the FB coach is VERY excited to have him (first report.. Hunter's big that's GOOD!) makes me nervous Southern Football is an animal unlike anything he has ever experienced I know he'll do great BUT I do worry they are a bit too excited for my taste...

Bradley tried out for the soccer team BUT we arrived a few weeks after try outs so he didn't make a team.. the Varsity Coach really liked him and I think kind of felt bad and so asked him to be a manager for the varsity team, so he goes to all the games keeps stats etc. and he actually earns a letter for the year Brad has high hopes that he's making a good impression for trying out next year.. Brad also got involved in the Robotics team here and has felt he has gotten LOTS more experience on this team in comparison it is a much smaller team which only means he got lots more hands on time with the robot than back in NH they went to their regional a couple of weeks ago and had a great showing BUT didn't get to move onto nationals in St. Louis... truth be known I even think there's a girl on the robotics team that has sparked Brad's interest and she goes to another school so bonus!!! (oh did that sound bad???)... He got his drivers learners permit last Saturday and as soon as he gets some grades up he can drive with Ben or I AND when we get the golf cart can drive that w/ out an adult...

Ben is still loving Atlanta, he thinks he's finally comfortable with the larger airport and can find his way around but with the ever changing Air Tran/Southwest Merger its likely he'll be finding LOTS of new places in the near future..

Like I said I've hit a slight bump in my road of settling in BUT I do know it will all be fine and work out I just need to work harder and keep busy!!!

We are off to Arkansas next week for spring break then a quick trip to KY to pick up a golf cart my dad got at an auction while visiting Jack.. we are VERY excited about this because it means Brad can drive himself to seminary/school/soccer etc.  and cart kids to and from various things.. the best part of it all is its an electric cart so I don't even have to pay for gas... the cart will need a bit of work but we got it for a steel so putting a bit of money into it will be fine..

so that's what we are up to hope all of you are great
love to you all
ta ta

we've made it and survived.... so far...

So we are in Peachtree City.. our stuff with my car arrived a week earlier than promised (YEA!)  kids are all in school and seminary and even soccer and except for a  few bumps in that regard are adjusting and getting to know people and are growing to like it here...

We've gone to youth night and there are allot of boys, the scout program seems to be very organized and they were pleased to get two new Life Scouts... KayLea found some kids to play with when we were at the church Activity Days isn't until next week (we think) so she'll get a better feel for how many girls her age there are on Sunday...

For me, i met some very friendly folks when i was at the church on Tuesday but its probably too soon for me to feel like "I've made friends"...

the house is nice the pictures I posted below are nul and void now the house is now kind of a tan/tope/brown color we actually didn't recognize the house and drove right past it after it was painted... tomorrow the goal is to clean up the front and back yard with the ton of dead leaves that are there... after we get things cleaned up i'll take more pictures.

as far as the inside we have the Kitchen done, the back living room/tv room is done except cable won't be turned on for a week or so.. KayLea's room is done and the boys are just about done (only needs a little more work) Ben and My room and our living/computer/dining/office is still pretty messy and un-organized.. but it has only been since Wednesday (truck was unloaded Tuesday) so i'm trying to not be so hard on my self.

So far I am feeling like this has been our smoothest move yet no major mis-haps and we are liking it allot.. KayLea is especially liking that she can wear Capri's every day and only wear a light sweater in the morning before the sun comes up it has been in the 70's all week...

We definitely  miss our friends but we do NOT miss the snow!!!

so i'll post more pictures this weekend of our new home/adventures..
ta ta

Top TEN!!!

So as we are winding down our last week here in New Hampshire I had started my Top Ten Things I LOVE and will MISS in NH list on Facebook... then I realised our Internet will be shut off long before Saturday (when my #1 should have been posted) so I'm cheating and doing it here!!!

10: Winter beauty: do not get me started on how I HATE the snow and all things cold but there really isn't anything like going outside after a blanket of snow.. it is SO QUIET, and beautiful... what did not make the list is the 2 days after the beautiful blanket of snow when everything is soggy, muddy, salty and down right gross!!!

9: Small town feel/ So I'm not sure if there is any place else in the US that is Literal full of TOWNS, not CITIES TOWNS.. and they are very happy and resist becoming a City at all cost.. the New England folks are a tough nut to crack but once you do they'll do just about anything for you...

8:  Lots of fun family stuff to do, we've visited Ben and Jerry's ice cream factory in VT, gone apple & blueberry picking, forth of July fireworks, old home day, days at the lake just relaxing, skiing/snowboarding for the kids (adults too if they wanted but these adults don't!) Bostons science museum, freedom walk, harbor museum and the ships old and new to go through and see... I know GA will have just as many (if not more) things for families to do but we have had a blast seeing all there is to see and do in NH (and surrounding areas)

7:  I know this was mentioned in the last post but it REALLY needs it's own, Skiing and snowboarding... why do you ask I put this on the top 10 list when I myself (or Ben) do not do either... because we moved here the week after Thanksgiving when Brad was in 4th grade and Hunter was in 2nd we enroll the kids in Bradford Elementary and with our we...

6: Lake Life, Thankfully GA has lots of lakes but I cant deny that NH has the best lakes I've have ever seen (yes even better than CA sierra's) have lots of memories of hanging out at the dock of Lake Sunapee with the kids swimming and having fun! I will definitely miss Lake Sunapee Dock!!!

5: History, The History of the North East is fascinating, funny at times and just awesome.  from going to Fort #4 (Google it!) or the Indian Museum (there are several but we have gone to Warner NH one).. every little corner of New England is packed full of History and lots of fun things to learn about the birth of our Nation.

4: Fall Foliage, I had heard of the New England fall foliage before moving here but until you actually see it face to face in no way can you appreciate it... it really is probably my most favorite season and I can honestly say I've never seen anything like it before..

3: the People of NH, they are a no nonsense people who work hard and tell it like it is... I know I'm going to have to go back to makeup wearing doing my hair Georgia but here in NH especially in the winter I felt just as at home with my hair back and not a stitch of make up on... so thankful for this place that has welcomed us!

2: Our church family.  I don't know if it was because it was NH and on a whole it is hard to "crack those nuts" but it took us a while to find our groove but we did and I will miss the Concord Ward SO MUCH!!! it is a unique ward with a big Student group that rotates out every few years but I have learned so much from the people here, I have had the pleasure to serve with cub scouts, Young women (camp!), Young Men (scout merit badge stuff) and of coarse the Primary I can not say enough how much I have loved serving and working with this group of people it has taught me so much  and we will miss YOU so much.

#1:  I know that the people I have met and love so dearly that we are grown ups we can visit and call and keep in touch but there is going to be a huge void when I can't just go over to my best friends house or her mine.. She has been with me through some of the most extreme moments I have had in the last 6 yrs.  we have laughed, cried, vented, asked opinions and advice we have had deep discussions and had very light hearted exchanges.. we have cheered for our kids from the side lines and have hiked through the muddy turane of Cub Scout Day camp AND Girls camp.. day trips, movies you name it our kids have grown to love one another and each consider the other their 2nd Mom, I am not only leaving my best friend I am leaving someone who I know would step in for me in a moments notice for my kids and THAT IS HUGE!!! any one reading this already who knows me knows who I am talking about so I won't mention names in this public forum just know I know what a void will be left in my and my families life!!! and YES we will keep in touch visit back and forth and phone calls for sure so I'm not disappearing ever but I'm not looking forward to this change AT ALL!!!

ta ta 

our new home

So Ben finalised the deal on our new home and it will be ours on February 1st! He is quite the trooper and did good! I asked him to take some pic's so we could see it all and those are great too only he didn't take any pictures of the kitchen (he says its small)... We are leasing it for a year so if I end up hating it we can always find something (in the same area etc) then we'll move in a year.. I am so happy we don't have to move into an apartment and that things are a little more settled!
here are some pic's

front of house yes it is VERY BLUE the landlord actually offered to paint it we shall see..

back deck more than enough room for bbq patio set etc.

back yard and shed

master bedroom has a loft one possibility is the boys get this room and one has the loft but I'm on the fence!

living room

this is actually another bedroom, not the master so we shall see how this all works out I think this would make a fantastic Den but I haven't seen it in person to decide yet we are reserving all decisions until I have seen everything with my own eyeballs!

So I didn't post every picture but it's clean has hard wood throughout (thank goodness I didn't replace the carpet cleaner that just bit the dust!) and has all the appliances (we'll be moving our washer and dryer and putting it in the shed..)  anyway we are getting excited and really feel good with the direction this is all going...
we are trying to schedule the move for Jan 26th and 27th (they'll pack everything up the 26th and then load the truck and take off the 27th.  fingers crossed that end of it will work out well... we'll probably leave NH Monday the 30th... but the moving company will have more to say regarding those dates than we will but that is our ideal plan!!!
ta ta

Peachtree City GA here we COME!!!

So although we don't have a house to rent secured yet we have found where we are gong to live...
PEACHTREE CITY. it is a lovely city with an EXCELLENT high school, middle school and elementary schools which I have to say was the deciding factor. 

So when we went down to check things out the week after Christmas we had narrowed our search down to a couple of cities Peachtree was actually on the bottom of our list because when we were doing searches it seemed to be the farthest out from the Airport BUT when we arrived and immediately went down to it it actually wasn't as far as we thought and we really fell in love with the city!

 Peachtree is a "golf cart community" which means their are 100's of miles of golf cart trails (that you can also walk, and ride bikes on) Kids who have their learners permit (which you can get at age 15) can actually drive the golf carts with out an adult with them.  above is a pic of the high school parking lot they actually encourage the use of the golf carts because there is not allot of space for parking.

 I have to say we first encountered the golf carts when we stopped in a shopping center to pick up a few things, we first noticed the signs "cart crossing" or "yield to carts" we figured there must be a senior living center somewhere close when we did some further investigating we got the low down on the "golf Cart community"... we think this is kind of neat and have already started looking for a golf cart.. there not too expensive!

not that we are golfers or anything but there is 5 award winning golf courses in Peachtree so my brothers should want to visit!!!

So all in all we feel good and the more we do research the more we find we probably have made a good decision Peachtree City has been consistently in the top 100 cities to live in for the past few years here is the most recent article I could find where peachtree came in 91 in the top 100 in 2011. 

So Ben leaves on Monday he's driving down because he didn't want to be with out a car for any length of time He has some leads on a couple of rental homes (fingers crossed one of them will work out!) if not we do know of an apartment complex that has 4 bedrooms available that we can hopefully not sign a hugely long lease while we look for a house to rent... we feel good about all of this.  My last day of work is next Friday the 13th (yes I know I'm asking for trouble last day being Friday the 13th).  we are actually thinking we are going to try to be out of here by the 1st of Feb if we can get everything to fall into place...

Brad I think is coming to terms with the change, not happy of coarse but not actively miserable either.. Hunter seems to have glimpses of being excited and KayLea is very excited so we have the whole range of emotions.. we certainly are going to miss NH but know this is whats right for our family now...
we love you all and appreciate so much your support and prayers through out this time please keep the prayers coming they are obviously working!
ta ta