what do you get?...

What do you get when your a mom w/ PMS, your angel Son's birthday and a major teenage pitfall happen all on the same day/ week???

TEARS!!! lots and lots and lots of tears...

oh also did I mention there are some health issues going on with BOTH of our fathers (don't ask, not my story to tell, they both will be fine but yea I think that has added to the stress of my week)

So thinking about what I would post for Lane's birthday, I didn't have allot of plans.. and that was probably a good thing because mentally I was toast.. so with the journal post's leading up to Lane's birthday that will just have to be it... I do have some post-funeral journal entries to post and I'll get around to it I just need to settle my head but to be honest I'm not in a huge hurry ...

I am not ready (probably never will be) to post about the teenage angst going on right now.. just know everyone is healthy, on the road to being happy and we will SURVIVE!!!  this much I know for sure..

Even though I'm feeling a bit mentally beat up right now it doesn't dismiss even a little  how thankful for my family, I wouldn't trade ANYTHING/ANYONE for the kiddo's I have... they drive me nuts, make me laugh harder than I've ever laughed, and cried more tears than I knew I could produce and LOVE more than I ever thought possible BUT we are muddling through together for better or worse for ever and eternity!! Being a mother has been the hardest job I have ever had (and that's saying something!) but one that gives me the most rewards money can not buy.  In times where its tougher than usual I try hard to imagine them older with their own families.. I want desperately for them to be able to say "I see now why you did that", or "thanks I hated you then, but boy did you save me from myself" or just "I always knew you loved me".. is it bad that I am wishing for some adoration??? mostly I just want them to be happy healthy adults who have very few mommy/daddy issues (and the ones they have {cuz lets face it can any of us escape?}don't hold them back ha!)
so Happy Mothers day everyone.. I know I've already told my Mom how smart she is.. she gets smarter and smarter every year I'm alive I am so lucky to have her in my life...
ta ta