This is what i've been trying to do for the last day and a half.. My parents called me night before last to tell my my younger sister will most likely have to have a radical hysterectomy next week.. My sis has been struggling for some time with fertility issues and finally came to terms with her situation and gets slammed with this news which only puts a period at the end of any kind of miracle sentence.. They do have one child (my only neice right now!) and so there are blessings to be recognized for sure!
Here's what I have to wrap my mind around.. My sister has ALWAYS wanted to be a mother, I'm pretty certain I relentlessly teased her for the fact that when asked what she wanted to be when she grew up that was her first response. Motherhood was deffenately second to any senario I had envisioned when I was a teenager.. I had grand plans.. college, a high powered career then perhaps children when i was established.. admitting this now only shows the blogsphere how totally out of touch I was as a Teenager.. don't get me wrong when I had Brad I then knew this is what I was suppose to do.. I in no way want to convey that I don't like being a Mother.. It is my life's calling.. anyway getting off subject.. During Stephanie's wedding shower they did a little game where they asked her then soon to be husband how many children they wanted and then she had to give her answer to see how close they matched.. I don't remmber allot of the other answers but BOTH of them answered 12 and they ment it!!! we all laughed..
So this news for my sister had a profound effect on me the the last 2 nights.. It made me think of what Heavenly Father has planned for us and how his plan is sometimes so different than what we had planned.. Stephanie is very blessed she is devistated now BUT i do know she will be fine.. I have to admit I was pretty angry at the big guy up stairs it was my first gut instinct, I'm still trying to wrap my mind around all of this but mostly I'm praying for a speedy recovery for my sis, I called her yesterday and Just balled with her.. these are times when we all scratch our heads and figure out why we moved so far from each other.. I wish as the Big Sister I could just go out and take care of her for as long as she needs it but I'm not yet in that stag of life.. (i'm being torn by wanting to put a brick on my kids heads so they don't grow up and wanting them to be able to drive and be self sufficent) So She knows what I can do and for now it's just being here to listen to her cry.. We love her and know she is being watched over!
tata
2 comments:
Love you tons. Thank you for thinking of me.
I think we all know what it's like to not have our life plans square with Heavenly Father's.
I know I've spent many MANY tear nights wondering what I did wrong to deserve to still be single at 34.
No husband, no kids, no nothing.
It's taken a long time for me to come to understand the "but if not" clause in the scriptures.
I want the blessings of..., but if not, will I still follow the Lord?
That's the question were all here to answer. And it's a toughie...
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