MORE Musings

I know I've given the topic of "change of season" quite a run on this blog.. I've felt it for some time a "SHIFT" well ITS HAPPENING... I will no longer have ANY children at home during school hours!!! I will no longer be labeled a "stay at home mom"... OUCH that one hurt!!!

I think it's been given quite a run 13 years of wiping noses to tooshie's not that I'm going to never be doing those things ever again BUT my children (all of them!) will be influenced by someone else for the majority of their day from here on out! I can't help but wonder if I've done enough.. If I have have given them their own tools to deal with all that they will have to.. I don't have many regrets in that department at least not yet.. Brad will be entering 8th grade wow that doesn't even seem possible!!! Hunter 6th and KayLea 1st...

although I have to admit I'm also worried I'll be smothering KayLea having her Mom at the same school she goes to doesn't seem all together fair.. although I'm not in her class, I'm actually not even on her side of the school it IS a VERY small school so we WILL be seeing each other on a daily basis... she seems excited at the prospect but we'll see if she has the same attitude in a few weeks!!! does mommy guilt ever end?? I'm thinking not!!!

this is ALSO the time of year where we get a whole slew of new Law student families move into our ward, and it's also the time I'm reminded how OLD I am... these folks seem like infants to me.. and we have like 8 women who will be giving birth in the next 4-6 months... I have never for a moment felt ANY kind of regret for our decision to end our family with KayLea.. she is the PERFECT book end to our little brewd but it is ANOTHER reminder of this SHIFT although that one has long since past..

but for those who are still in the throws of it.. who can't seem to remember a time where you slept through the night or could complete a phone conversation or could go a week with out changing the sheets on your own bed because a kid smeared some sort of yuck on it.. enjoy it.. enjoy your now.. I think towards the end of this chapter I DID realize how special the moments were.. I could see the end coming fast so I did savor some of it.. but like allot of us.. I took too much time wanting to "get through" the hard stuff I remember practically MAKING Brad walk.. figuring all the stuff I did wrong with Brad and trying DESPERATELY to get Hunter to Talk early (and he DID!) and absolutely failing miserably at potty training KayLea.. and wanting so desperately for them all to become independent..

I LOVE this stage that I'm at now.... it is the FUNNEST by far so-far.. but feeling the breath of your own little infant who has just come out of you.. feeling the pride, joy and utter terrifying prospects of being in charge of this new little life.. Maybe, I wish I would have savored some of those moments a little more as they were coming.. rather than looking ahead to what was next.. and yes like everyone there were women who were older and wiser than I who told ME the same things.. but I didn't listen.. not that I didn't think they were right but I'm sure I was far too tired, or busy or pre-occupied with my kids' poop to really take them for their word..

But instead of looking BACK I will look forward (but not TOO far ahead!) and be present in THIS moment.. enjoy the milestones the kids are going through right NOW and the milestones I'M enjoying at this moment also..

that's all for now.. I'm going to bed.. and I'll sleep all night.. darn it!!! (who am I kidding that is AWESOME!)
ta ta