I think after my memorable rant about the Vice Presidential candidate I have been in a constant state of thinking about my own role in my family and if I am living up to what I envisioned for my self when I took on the responsibility of being a Mother.. I've been reading allot of past conference talks this one in particular by Elder Ballard he gives some great advice... I relate so much to his experiences of his wife sitting with children alone at church, although Ben has never been in a Bishopric (knocking on wood right now!) he has often had to work Sundays and in fact last year I had decided to dedicate my monthly fasts to the cause of getting Ben Sundays off.. it worked amazingly (it's kinda a long story but his schedule changed with in about 3 months of fast's but only about 30 days after his new schedule of sunday's started ) but recently they have been short once again and so now he's scheduled Sundays AGAIN.. it is frustrating but I do know Ben is providing for us which is most important I haven't decided if I'll do my dedicatory fasts again because it seems as though it will be a temporary thing but we'll see.. anyway I'm getting off topic.. one of the quotes Elder Ballard used was one by Anna Quindlen.. i love it!
"Author Anna Quindlen reminds us not to rush past the fleeting moments She said: “The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. . . . I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less”(Loud and Clear [2004], 10–11).
Realizing that My kids are far more self sufficient than just a few short years ago has made me wonder if I took enough of these opportunity's to just "be" with my kids.. I am a "rusher" by nature.. wanting to get to the next thing as quick as possible.. I think Brad probably would have waited a tad bit longer to walk but I had him up on his tip toes holding both his hands walking him around my parents house sure he was "ready
but, thinking allot about this quote.. particularly lately our lives at home have gotten pretty hectic all of the sudden.. I'm feeling pulled in a few directions wanting to be everything to everyone, Its hard when your choosing between GREAT STUFF.. i mean its very flattering to be asked to be Class Mom, AND Chair the 4&5th grade musical play, AND be Team Mom, AND AND.. I feel somehow that I HAVE to do all of these things.. besides wasn't it me just a year or so ago that was complaining that because we are living in a TINY close nit community no one wanted an outsider helping them.. I would volunteer for everything but get a lone call to "send in some brownies"... and now I have 3 whole hours to spare every day!!! so I should be doing all this right?? what about those mom's who can't I can be the mouth peace for ALL THE MOM's who wish they could do all these things right??... I'm trying to learn a little about balance in case you haven't noticed...
Another great talk i'm re-reading regularly is by Julie B. Beck "Mothers who know" I was shocked at the controversy this talk brought.. I was sitting there watching the broadcast and for the first time in a long time i felt like Sister Beck (and ALL of the other speakers) were TALKING ONLY TO ME! I can't really remember why or the circumstances of my personal feelings prior to the meeting but i left the broadcast feeling renewed and ready to be a "mother who knows".. i STILL strive for that every day...
Knowing I fall short of being a 'mother who knows" allot i'm also trying hard not to beat my self up and renew my commitment every day (there's that balance thing coming back into play)...
This is just what i've been thinkin about lately...
ta ta
1 comment:
Ky, I was reading your blog (like always) and was touched by what you said. The fact that you are pondering your motherly role shows what love and faith you have. As you know, we been trying to have kids of our own for a while now (going on 10 years) and I think I sometimes live vicariously through your blog. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I really appreciate everything you do!
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